Last year, soon after becoming a mother, Deepika Padukone opened up about sleep deprivation and burnout, speaking to Ariana Huffington at an event. She said, ‘I know on particular days I am feeling stressed or burnt out because I haven’t slept enough or practiced my self-care rituals…I can tell that my decision-making is getting affected to some extent.’
Being a mother is often described as one of life’s most rewarding roles, but it can also be one of the most exhausting. The expectations, both internal and external, pile on. You must nurture, manage, be ever-present, and do everything right. Over time, without enough rest, support, or self-care, many mothers find themselves depleted emotionally, mentally and physically.
‘Depleted Mother Syndrome’ describes this state of burnout. Mothers feel chronically tired, overwhelmed, possibly resentful, and sometimes disconnected from themselves and their children. They often believe they’re are failing despite doing their best, and it’s not just a passing phase. In fact, it can deeply affect well-being, relationships, decision-making, and identity. The good news is, it is valid and there are ways to recover, heal, and rebuild.
Signs And Symptoms
• Persistent physical exhaustion, beyond what regular demands suggest
• Sleep deprivation that doesn’t seem to improve
• Feeling emotionally drained, irritable, and easily triggered
• Guilt, self-criticism, and a sense of inadequacy
• Loss of joy in tasks that used to feel meaningful
• Difficulty concentrating and decision fatigue
• Feeling disconnected from children, partner, or even self
• Neglecting one’s own needs regularly
Causes Of Burnout
The causes are varied, starting with unrealistic expectations about what a good mother is. These could be self-imposed or driven by society. Lack of sleep and irregular rest can lead to burnout, especially when there is an imbalance of giving versus receiving. Mothers often give more both emotionally and physically, than they receive support or recognition. Most times, there are poor boundaries in place, with moms doing things out of obligation or guilt rather than choice. This leads to a sense of isolation, feeling like no one ‘gets it’, or lack of community support.
Why Are Some Mothers More At Risk?
Mothers who play multiple roles with younger and older children, at work, while simultaneously looking after elders are more at risk. Being a new mother or going through postpartum recovery is also a risk factor. Another reason for burnout is single parenting or lacking sufficient partner and family support. When there are societal pressures to be self-sacrificing, this can add to the risk.
Practical Ways To Cope And Recover
Here are strategies that can help. Because every mother’s situation is unique, one or more of these might work better depending on resources, support systems, and personality.
1. Prioritise Sleep And Rest: Even if you can’t get long stretches, try to improve the quality of rest. Try dimming lights, reducing screen exposure before bed, and engage in calming rituals such as sipping chamomile tea or meditation. Nap when the baby naps or during available windows. If possible, share night duties with your partner and family. If sleep deprivation is severe, consider professional help.
2. Set Boundaries And Learn To Say No: Be intentional about what you commit to. If something drains you more than it helps, it’s okay to decline. Boundaries could be with extended family, social obligations, work tasks, extra responsibilities. Protect small pockets of ‘you time’. Even 10 15 minutes daily can help. Let go of perfection. Good enough is often enough.
3. Delegate And Share The Load: Ask for help from your partner, family or friends. This could include anything from childcare to chores. If your budget allows, outsource housecleaning, laundry, cooking and grocery shopping.
4. Self-Care Is Not A Luxury: Identify small acts that refill you and try to do one each day. This could include reading, walking, listening to music, art, or meditation. Get enough nutrition through a balanced diet, hydrate well, and exercise gently. It might feel impossible sometimes, but even small steps help.
5. Reconnect With Your Passions: Often, mothers get lost in the motherhood role alone. Rediscovering hobbies, creative outlets, or work helps to restore a sense of self. Even tiny reminders like drawing a sketch, playing music, gardening, or writing can nurture you. Plan regular breaks or retreats, even if they are small. Maintain relationships outside motherhood with your friends and colleagues.
6. Practice Mindfulness: Mindfulness helps in being present, reducing anxiety about the past and future, and noticing small moments of joy or rest. Start conscious parenting, being aware of own emotions and needs. Don’t just react, but make choices intentionally that reduce feelings of guilt. Try therapy or counselling. Talk to your partner or someone close. Help them understand what you’re going through so that they can give meaningful support. If symptoms like chronic depression, anxiety, or thoughts of harm linger, professional help is crucial.
7. Limit Social Media Triggers: Unfollow or mute content that makes you feel inadequate or overwhelmed. If you must follow accounts, follow people who show the raw, honest side of motherhood. Remind yourself that ‘highlight reels’ are not the whole truth.
8. Celebrate Small Wins: Recognise and acknowledge even small achievements such as getting dinner done, playing with your child, or simply just surviving the day. Be kind to yourself. Motherhood is hard, and some days will be better than others. It doesn’t mean you are failing.
9. Use Time-Saving Hacks: Keep healthy snacks handy so hunger doesn’t worsen depletion. Pre prepare meals if possible to reduce decision fatigue. Use timers for rest breaks, or set reminders to drink water and stretch. Have a list of things handy that help instantly when you're overwhelmed - call a friend, go for a walk, or play a calming playlist.
Depleted Mother Syndrome is real, widespread, and serious, but it’s not permanent. Motherhood is demanding and society often underestimates those demands. Recognise that depletion is not a moral failing, but a signal that something needs to change. Recovering from depletion is about building sustainable habits and environments. Adjust expectations, realising you won’t always ‘have it together’ and that’s okay.