It is funny how women have to explain themselves for the simplest things. For instance, if a woman has put on post-partum weight, isn’t it obvious that it’s because of the birth of her child? Yet people from our honourable society remark, ask and expect an explanation. What is with these rhetorical questions or remarks people pass – have you put on weight? (doesn’t the person in question already know about it, what possible response is being expected here?); you’ve become so tanned (so? the person has a mirror at home, they can see it for themselves). Sharing an inspiring anecdote of doting, proud and overjoyed mother Avni Kataria, who shares her experience of what society made her believe versus what she believed in.
New mom Avni was supremely excited to visit India and finally introduce her son, Vayu, to her family and friends. She visited nine months post-partum and her excitement fizzled out by day two, as whoever she met commented on her weight gain even before greetings were exchanged. “Tu kya hatti-khatti ho gayi hai, health kuch zyada hi acha nahi ho gaya hai tera? (Haven’t you become way too healthy now?).
“My neighbour dropped by to say hi. She placed her hand on my stomach and asked if I was pregnant again. I had to fight back my tears from rolling over and flooding my face. One time, when I was enjoying a vada pav, one of my relatives asked if I had given any thought to getting on a diet and mentioned that I looked like an aunty,” recalls Avni.
“At one point I wanted to crash diet and reduce all that extra weight I had gained, without realising that I’m still breast-feeding and cannot resort to such extreme measures. Throughout my visit, I was just fighting back tears. I would grit my teeth and laugh off the unkind comments, because I just had no strength to fight back. What was more disappointing was that these comments were coming from women who were also mothers - all these women had gone through this phase themselves and know how difficult the journey can be, and yet they chose to make it difficult for another woman.”
“I was already conscious about my post-partum body - saggy boobs, belly paunch and stretch marks. It takes a lot of time to accept your new body and appreciate the changes. It took me a long time to understand what a woman and her body goes through, and that the entire pregnancy journey is something I should be proud of. I was on this journey of self-acceptance but the trip back home crushed it all, and before I knew it, I was back to square one.”
“All throughout, my mother and husband backed me up, they were my strength. Each time I got upset, they asked me to look at my son, Vayu, and see what my body had created. My mother would always point out how healthy and cute my child is, which was because I had been eating well and had prioritised my health. She would say, one day he’s no longer going to need breastmilk and then you will have all the time in the world to diet and workout to lose the extra weight. Irrespective of whether you choose to breastfeed your baby or not, give your body the time to heal and gain strength, mentally and physically. And how much time that takes should be your decision, not anyone else’s.”
“It still hurts when my mind wanders to this inevitable part of my thoughts but then I look at Vayu and everything feels right again”, says Avni.