As parents, we give a lot of thought to how our children communicate with us and how they act. We reprimand them when they need it, and we make sure they practise excellent manners and politeness. However, we may not always be aware of what we say and how we say it.
It's not always easy for us to look at our acts objectively. Imagine yourself recording your interactions with your child and playing back the digital images and sound while you explore how you would describe how you engage with your child regularly. Do you have a patient and caring tone in your voice?
Being Mindful When Talking To Your Child
As a parent, your words and the way you say them, i.e. the tone with which you talk, will have a direct positive or negative impact on your children. As a result, it is critical to be aware of what we say and how we say it to youngsters.
Ms Mehezabin Dordi, clinical psychologist, rehabilitation, and sports medicine department, Sir HN Reliance Foundation Hospital, Mumbai adds, 'It's all about communicating with your child when it comes to parenting. Building your child's self-esteem requires positive two-way communication. While words of encouragement and praise are beneficial to children, listening to them enhances their self-esteem and makes them feel worthwhile and valued. It's important to remember that youngsters can comprehend language long before they can speak. When you establish clear and open communication patterns with your child early in life, you are establishing positive habits for the future.'
Impact On Your Child
Research and plenty of evidence demonstrate that by using more positive words in the home, parents may encourage their child's healthy brain development. 'A single negative word, on the other hand, can boost activity in our amygdala (the fear centre of the brain). This causes the production of dozens of stress-inducing chemicals and neurotransmitters, which disrupts the functioning of our brains. In essence, parents can improve their children's cognitive performance by using encouraging phrases. A child's brain function can be disrupted by negative remarks,' says Dordi.
She further adds, 'Your tone of voice and the words you use can make communication and interactions between parents and children far more joyful and gratifying. That is, even if there is a disagreement or you need to correct anything your child is doing, a soothing voice, even if it is firm, is more likely to gain your child's attention and she will be more likely to listen to what you are saying. This is critical in promoting children's mental health and social well-being. You're less likely to obtain positive results and may even destroy your relationship if you yell or speak harshly to your youngster. Evidence suggests that yelling can be just as detrimental as a harsh discipline.'
It's also worth noting that children pick up on our actions. Furthermore, by treating your child with respect and compassion, you will build your link—a strong bond with parents at a young age is critical for a child's mental well-being as an adult.
How To Speak To Your Child
As a parent, how you react to your children's setbacks can have a long-term impact on how they process failure and move on. Reactions can also have an impact on how resilient and self-assured children grow, as well as how they handle mistakes and setbacks throughout their life. According to several studies and researches, a child's perception of their intelligence is influenced by the reaction of their parents.
Researchers at Stanford University discovered that a parent's attitude toward a child's failures and mistakes, whether good or negative, might influence the child's perception of intelligence and, as a result, their future. As a result, knowing how to deliver the proper message becomes extremely important.
There are several strategies to ensure that your youngster understands that failure is not a reflection of their intelligence or aptitude. When your child has a setback, here are some critical ways to respond, as suggested by Dordi.
1. Keep an eye on your child's reaction: Take cues from your child's emotional response to the loss. Are they content with the efforts? Are they resentful of their failures? If they're furious or frustrated with themselves or with the loss, attempt to help them transform that emotion into a motivation to do better next time.
2. Focus on the future: Rather than dwelling on the loss, consider how to do things better next time. Remind your youngster that whatever went wrong can be a valuable learning tool for determining what to do or not do in the future
3. Imagine yourself as a spectator: Keep an eye on how you react to your child's blunder. Would you consider this individual to be helpful and supportive? Do you believe they're talking in a friendly, relaxed tone? Or would they come across as harsh, critical, or pessimistic? Imagine yourself encouraging rather than discouraging others
4. Focus on the process rather than the result: Discuss what they liked and didn't like, as well as what they think could be done better next time. Help them focus their energy on future planning rather than on winning, and encourage them to focus on the fun and satisfaction of learning rather than on winning
5. Avoid showing pity: When trying to console your child, be careful not to show pity, as this can send a negative message that they are incapable
6. Put things in perspective: Tell your youngster that the outcome does not define who they are and that they are talented in a variety of areas. Discuss with them times when you as a person have failed at something and what you did to improve the situation the next time. Assuage their fears by reminding them that everyone makes errors. One of the most essential aspects of being human is that we don't always get it right
7. Improve your child's self-esteem: Increase their confidence by doing something they enjoy and are good at. Join them in activities that they enjoy to show your support.
8. Avoid attempting to correct their error: Helicopter parenting is when you go in to remedy the problem yourself. Helping entails showing them how to figure out what they need to do on their own
9. Be there for them: Reassure your child that you will always have their back and that you will be available for them to talk to about their feelings and ideas about whatever mistakes they make. Make sure they understand that your love is something they can bank on no matter what, and that they can come to you with any problems
Also Read: How To Build Your Child’s Self-Confidence
Also Read: Positive Parenting Techniques Every Parent Should Know About