The Importance Of A Strong Mother-Daughter Relationship

When a mother first holds her newborn daughter in her arms, a unique bond gets formed.

This plants the seed of a lifelong association, which, if nurtured correctly, can form a strong mother-daughter relationship.

Now, if you are a mother to a lovely daughter with whom you are looking to strengthen your ties, or a daughter seeking a more meaningful connection with her mother, this may be the very read you may have been looking for.

Why is the Mother-Daughter Relationship so Important?

Does this mean that the parental relationship between a father and son, father and daughter, or mother and son is not as meaningful? Not really.

Studies show that the relationship between mother and daughter plays a deeper role in mood regulation than the other parental-offspring associations do.

Often, the patterns formed in our childhood play a direct role in how our relationships with our children develop.

You might be surprised to learn that these patterns are even more evident in the emotions between the mother and daughter.

And this is due to the part of the brain called the corticolimbic circuitry.

This part governs mood regulation, anxiety and depression, and if the maternal brain is prone to such conditions, they are more likely to be transmitted to the female offspring.

How can this relationship be a healthy one?

A healthy and positive connection with your daughter is probably the foundation of a well-fulfilled and successful life for both.

This happens when the mother is consciously more nurturing toward the daughter and her development, emotions and choices.

Here are some of the ways in which this positive connection can be attained in the early years:

Bonding as a baby

The nurturing of a mother can be felt by a child while they are still a baby.

This is perhaps an opportune time to create a bonding that will lay the foundation for a lifelong healthy parent-offspring relationship.

Reading to the baby, singing to them, spending time playing with them and communicating positively in every way possible during this time are some of the ways of building this bond.

Being present for them

Whether the mother stays at home or goes out for work, being present need not imply hovering over their daughter throughout the day.

It simply means being there when it really matters.

Being present when they share their stories, when they need you the most and making them feel you are proud of their achievements and rooting for them always.

Listening

Perhaps the most understated aspect of parenting is merely lending a listening ear to your child.

More so, for a mother to be there for her daughter and listen to her, is key to unravelling the long-term benefit of a healthy and open relationship between the duo.

If a mother can accomplish this in the early years, she will have a daughter who will always trust her, and be open with her.

Giving advice only when asked

As humans, we are wired to offer our two cents when we feel the other seems in a dilemma.

However, this sort of attitude, however well-intended, can trigger the opposite reaction from one’s daughter.

She needs her mother to be a person who can comfort her, be there for her no matter what, and really be a confidante.

If the daughter begins to feel a lecture coming on each time she confides in her mother, a rift may gradually begin to appear in the mom and daughter relationship.

Being a role model

Every mother need not be a successful person in her life or career to be an ideal role model to their daughter.

Yes, she can be a role model by emulating the behaviour she seeks to imbibe in her children.

What does an unhealthy mom-and-daughter relationship look like?

There can be various ways in which a mother and daughter relationship turns toxic. Some of them are:

Being a control freak

Whilst this relationship is often not intended by the mother to be oppressive, it usually turns out to be so.

Why? Because any human being compelled under constant pressure and control will ultimately crumble.

A mother who tries to dominate and control her daughter’s decisions, choices and opinions can often lead the offspring to do the exact opposite – make the wrong choices! And worst still, lead to an emotional distance between the two.

Detaching oneself from one’s daughter

In many ways, this relationship is the opposite of the one above. However, the sense is more emotional than any other.

To completely disassociate from one’s daughter’s emotional needs and dismiss them as frivolous turns toxic as the daughter no longer sees the mother as someone she can seek for comfort and advice.

Living your dreams through your daughter

A mother who impresses her own unfulfilled dreams on her daughter could be causing more harm than good.

Unknowingly the mother creates an environment of unrealistic expectations and eventually, stress.

Using negative language aggressively

A mother who constantly finds fault in her daughter plays the blame game ever too often or uses abusive language towards her daughter can tend to have a negative influence on her own daughter.

How does this unhealthy approach affect the mother and daughter relationship?

A toxic environment is stressful to any relationship, especially one between a mother and her daughter. A daughter suffers deeply due to the toxic nature of her mother.

Lack of confidence

Being used as a symbol of control or having to deal with unrealistic expectations often leads a daughter to lose her confidence.

And without the loving and comforting presence, only a mother can offer, she can often carry this low self-confidence into adulthood.

Emotional void

When the maternal figure fails to offer emotional strength and support, a daughter is left to a wider circle of friends and family to seek the same.

Unfortunately, however, her best interests may not necessarily be their focus.

Trust issues

A condescending attitude and an emotional void may often lead to issues with trust for a daughter as she grows older.

This can have a strong impact on both her personal and professional life.

Flaws in her own relationships

Creating a balance in life stems from a sense of harmony experienced in one’s own childhood.

If this balance has been missing in the early years, it is likely to take great effort to re-establish it in one’s adult life, especially in the area of relationships.

Ways a mother can repair her connection with her daughter

A fractured relationship is tough. The good news is – it is never too late to repair it.

Challenging, yes. Impossible, no! So, how can a mother look to re-establish the connection?

Reach out

If the friction has been so great that you have lost touch, the first step is to reach out to your daughter.

She may not immediately warm up to you, but persistence can be key.

Open up

All that has been withheld over the years can probably not be poured out in a moment, but share some of the strong emotions you have to deal with.

Do this wisely, for sympathy is not what you are looking to garner.

Listen and be there

Most importantly, try and make your daughter feel you are now there for her – to listen, to understand and to not judge.

This is critical as this can enable her to (re)gain her trust in you and slowly gain confidence in your presence.

Ways in which a daughter can bridge an existing gap with her mother

If a daughter feels she is the one who needs to bridge the emotional gap with her mother, there are ways in which she can do this:

Reach out

It is not only the mother who is expected to take that first step.

As her daughter, you can too. Set any misunderstandings or discomforts aside and initiate communication with the one who gave birth to you.

Respect her situation

Age brings with it a certain grace, but it can also be accompanied by a loss of dignity.

Accept your mother as she is and let her know you hold immense respect for her.

Respect her for the situation she is in and convey your awe of her to her.

Show your love and warmth

By doing things for her, or simply by showing up. But do it. It is most important to do this in order to express yourself and genuinely make an effort at re-establishing the connection.

Conclusion

A mother-daughter relationship is special. It takes a lot of care, patience and nurturing to maintain this bond.

If it turns unhealthy at any point, the ones who suffer are the mother and daughter themselves.

It may be worthwhile to remember this was and will always have the potential to be the most natural bond in the world.

FAQs

What is a mother-daughter relationship?

A mother-daughter relationship is a relationship that exists between a mother and her daughter

Why is it important for a mother-daughter relationship tp be positive?

A healthy and positive connection with your daughter is probably the foundation of a well-fulfilled and successful life for both

How can a mother look to re-establish the connection between her and her daughter?

A mother can establish the relationship by listening, giving advice when asked, reaching out in times of need, stopping to be a control freak e.t.c