Whether it’s ‘The Breakfast Club’ or ‘Gossip Girl’, sleepovers or ‘slumber parties’ have been a part of pop culture since the 1980s, especially for young adult audiences. Why are they so appealing though? They offer opportunities for social bonding, friendship, and a bit of teenage rebellion. In recent times though, both parents and psychologists have raised concerns about the negative impact that sleepovers have on children’s development and safety. How do you cautiously navigate a scenario where sleepovers are the norm, without becoming the villainous parent of the piece? Let’s first look at the pros and cons of this social custom.
Advantages Of Sleepovers
Self-Reliance: Sleepovers offer your child the opportunity to spend a night away from home in a new environment, without the comfort of the parent. They learn to manage their personal needs early, right from dressing themselves or putting themselves to sleep. This can foster both independence and confidence, but in a safe and controlled environment.
Emotional Intelligence: When you interact with your peers in an informal and intimate environment, the conversations and activities tend to be different. This allows children to develop skills such as conflict resolution, social interaction, and managing group dynamics. It also enables children to get over feelings of homesickness easily and at an early age, building resilience.
Trust Building: The closeness and intimacy that come with a sleepover fosters deeper friendships. Children tend to share their experiences with one another more easily, play games and offer support.
Disadvantages Of Sleepovers
Just as there are advantages, certain potential risks are also associated with sleepovers. Psychologist Dr Manjula MK highlights certain concerns to be watchful about before sending your children on a sleepover:
Safety: The most important factor to consider is your child’s safety and well-being. Are you sure that you’re sending them to a home where there are no supervision issues? A parent has to ensure that there are no inappropriate situations or circumstances. Child sexual abuse remains a major concern, with many children being unaware of what’s going on, and some being terrified to even discuss it.
Peer Pressure: Sleepovers aren’t always fun for everyone. Some children, particularly girls, attend primarily due to peer pressure, and often suffer social anxiety. These situations can be stressful and overwhelming for those who feel like they have to behave a certain way to fit in. There is also the added concern of bullying, and consumption of cigarettes, drugs and alcohol. These are risky behaviours.
Inappropriate Content: You might be vigilant about what your child consumes on social media. However, the same cannot be said of other parents. At sleepovers, children are exposed to content on online devices that aren’t age-appropriate and can influence them hugely in their actions.
Irregular Sleep Patterns: Occasional sleepovers are fine, but when they occur on a regular basis, the ensuing late nights can disrupt sleep patterns, leading to mood swings, decreased cognitive function, and a host of other health problems.
Dr Manjula offers a few guidelines for parents considering sleepovers for their children.
1. Speak to your child about what is acceptable at the sleepover and what is not. Highlight dos and don’ts very clearly – right from bad touch to screen time and curfew - and tell them to call you if anything seems amiss. A false alarm is better than risking safety. Similarly, teach them to respect the space of the home they’re visiting, and set a list of appropriate manners and behaviour in place. Lastly,
2. Vet the host family thoroughly. Are you aware of every single person who lives there? Is there an older sibling with unrestricted internet access? What are the sleeping arrangements? and communicate with his or her parents about your own expectations and the boundaries you’ve set for your child. Unless you’re entirely satisfied and comfortable, avoid the sleepover.
3. Before you think of safety, figure out whether your child is ready to spend a night away from home. Will they cope without you? Do they have the emotional skills to spend a night with friends in a strange environment? Talk to them before you take the plunge. Consider sending something comforting with them – an old soft toy or a pillow that reminds them of home.
4. Likewise, conduct a post-mortem after the sleepover. Talk to your child about their experiences without any judgement. This will give you the opportunity to address any concerns or negative feelings.
The world is full of risks, and chances are you’re never going to be able to fully protect your child from all of them. The younger the child, the greater the risk. Before you decide whether your child is ready for sleepovers or not, you’ll have to consider your child’s individual personality and ability to cope, the safety of the home, and – although this may seem inconsequential - your own readiness to let them go out into the world.