The one thing about parenting is, there aren’t any fixed rules. This is a deeply personal journey, forged by parent and child, dependent on their own individual personalities and the relationship they develop as a result of circumstances. Cut to 2023 however, and experts believe that there are some simple cues that could make the journey more enriching.
1. Give them more time to play
It turns out there’s some merit to the old adage ‘all work and no play…’ Why is it so important, though? Well, the simple and most obvious reason is – for fun. As adults, if you want to play, why don’t you give your kids the same privilege? “Play is different at every age group. Infants play differently from toddlers; six-year-olds play differently from ten-year-olds,” says Manas Pande, a Gujarat-based therapist. “But there is one common thread that binds play across ages, and that’s spontaneity. When you allow your child to play freely in an environment where they feel protected, they can explore their imagination and exercise their curiosity without boundaries. This allows them to meet developmental milestones as they grow older and nurture innovative behaviours that they apply to their life and work, to feel more fulfilled.” The Soviet Developmental Psychologist Lev Vygotsky went one step further and proposed that ‘pretend play’ was ‘a unique, broadly influential zone of proximal development in which children experiment with a wide array of challenging skills and acquire culturally valued competencies. The most significant of these is a strengthened capacity for self-regulation.’ If you’re prioritising academics and goal-oriented extra-curricular activities over free play, it might be time to rethink!
2. Practice ‘jellyfish’ parenting
The era of Tiger parenting and Dolphin parenting seems to be on pause! With 2023, we welcome the era of ‘Jellyfish parenting’. Just like the diaphanous jellyfish, this parenting style is flexible, laidback, and easygoing, taking cues from the child and letting them lead. Saakshi Gulati, parenting and travel influencer @seatback_upright says, “We always want to put our thoughts and opinions onto children, and we never give them space to explore their interests or their thoughts. Giving them independence and following their lead is important. Also, when we observe a child, we have a greater idea of what skills they would be interested in and maybe we can focus on those, rather than what we want them to do. Independence is the best gift you can give your children, second to building trust and being your child’s safe space. Set consistent expectations and boundaries. Also – and this is very important - stop comparing! This is so common in today's world where social media is freely accessible. Every child works at his or her own pace, so slow down and appreciate them. I also feel both the parents must be on the same page of the parenting journey.”
3. Lead by example
Are you a parent who spends most of your time at home on a smartphone or tablet? Well, then you can hardly lecture your child for wanting to do the same! Yes, your role as a parent is to look after your child, but it’s also to model the same kind of behaviour that you expect from him or her. Children are easily influenced by what they see, hear and feel at home. Parents – not peers – are their initial role models. Key values that you should demonstrate include self-care, commitment to work and home, the ability to own up to mistakes (yes, and this means admitting we’re not perfect!), handling social situations well, being non-judgemental, not losing your temper unnecessarily and the last and most important, empathy.
4. Start teaching responsibility
Teaching children responsibility when they’re young, doesn’t just have tangible benefits. “Studies have shown that teaching children responsibility when they’re young develops key traits such as self-esteem, helps them manage both frustration and delayed gratification so much better,” says Pande. “Obviously, they’re also going to be self-sufficient and more likely to succeed later on in life as a result. One common mistake that people make is giving children chores as a form of punishment. It should never be viewed that way! Children should be given responsibility for their own sake and own growth. Even if they’re slow on the uptake, don’t step in to do those chores. Let them handle it on their own – this failure helps them learn.” With physical chores such as doing the dishes, gardening or even just peeling an orange, motor skills are developed. For cognitive development, you can also give them responsibilities to handle their own pocket money and be accountable for it, to add to their life skills.”
5. Let go of mom guilt!
A few years ago, actor Zoe Saldana narrated her tryst with mom guilt to People Magazine. Speaking about her twin boys Cy and Bowie she said, "Sometimes when I'm getting ready to leave to go to work, they get a little anxious. They're like, 'No, Mommy, I'll put on my zapatos and I'll come with you.' And I go, 'You can't, Mommy has to go to work.' " That's the moment they hit her with the doe eyes. "They'll go, 'Mommy bring toys?' Which basically means, 'You get to come back if you bring me a surprise.'”. Let’s face it, most of us have felt mom guilt at some point, for prioritising anything other than our kids when they hanker for our time and attention. Firstly, you need to take into account the reason you made these choices. Was it financial compulsion and circumstances? Career fulfilment? Personal growth? Of course, you and your partner have to ensure that your child is safe, well-adjusted, content and looked after. But putting additional pressure on yourself to be perfect at work and at home all the time is going to make you, and consequently your family, very unhappy. Don’t let anyone make you feel lesser than you deserve, because of your choices.