In the ever-evolving landscape of human relationships, few theories have sparked as much conversation and controversy as the Taxi Cab Theory of Dating. This first gained traction through pop culture in mainstream media, particularly 'Sex and the City' and 'He’s Just Not That Into You'. It has become a sort of pop-psychological shorthand to explain male commitment behaviour, particularly in romantic relationships.
What Is The Taxi Cab Theory?
According to the theory, men are like taxicabs: they wander around with their ‘available’ or ‘for hire’ light off for much of their lives, seemingly uninterested in long-term commitment until, one day, the light switches on. From dating casually and being emotionally unavailable, they’re suddenly ready to settle down, often due to personal maturity, career milestones, or social pressure. Whoever is in the cab (or their life) at that moment becomes the person they marry, regardless of whether she’s more suited to him than any of his previous partners.
Women, on the other hand, often experience the frustration of having invested time and emotional energy in a man who was not yet ‘ready’, only to watch him commit fully to the very next person he dates. This dynamic leads to an age-old question. Is commitment simply about timing and readiness rather than about compatibility or depth of love?
The Male Perspective
Psychologist Erik Erikson proposed that humans go through eight stages of psychosocial development, each marked by a central conflict. One key stage of Intimacy vs Isolation usually occurs in early adulthood, somewhere in the 20s, when individuals seek deep, meaningful relationships. However, Erikson emphasised that identity must be developed before intimacy can occur. If a man has not yet resolved his own identity through career development, self-understanding, or life purpose, he may resist commitment due to lack of internal stability.
The Female Perspective
Many women feel like they serve as a build-up partner, helping a man mature emotionally and grow personally, only to be replaced when he’s finally ready to settle down. This dynamic can be emotionally devastating and create a sense of betrayal. Psychologist Dr Ramani Durvasula calls this ‘emotional scaffolding,’ where one partner, often the woman, emotionally supports the other without receiving long-term commitment in return. A 2022 study by the Kinsey Institute found that 63 per cent of women under 35 had been in a relationship where their partner wasn’t ready, only to watch them quickly commit to someone else within 12 months.
Women also often experience internal and external pressures related to age and fertility, commonly called the biological clock. This accelerates the urgency for long-term commitment, creating mismatches with male partners who may not feel the same urgency. Societal norms still place relationship success as central to female identity, while men are more often validated through career and independence.
Is The Taxi Cab Theory Relevant Today?
Psychologist Dr Manjula MK says, ‘One of the major criticisms from psychologists is that the Taxi Cab Theory reduces commitment to a binary ‘light on’ or ‘light off’ state, ignoring the complexities of personality, attachment history, and other cultural factors.’ The theory also assumes that men are the primary avoiders of commitment, while women are always emotionally available. Recent research shows that women can also fear commitment, especially following relational trauma or burnout. On the other hand, men are increasingly seeking emotionally intimate relationships, especially in younger generations.’
A 2021 Gallup poll found that Millennial and Gen Z men were more likely than Gen X men to value emotional connection in romantic relationships, challenging this theory. Dr Helen Fisher, biological anthropologist at Rutgers University, argues that timing does matter, but it’s not the only or even primary factor in choosing a long-term partner. ‘People don’t just flip a switch. They’re influenced by brain chemistry, past trauma, personality compatibility, and social context.’ In fact, readiness alone doesn’t guarantee relationship success. A 2018 meta-analysis published in Psychological Bulletin found that relationship satisfaction is more strongly correlated with emotional intelligence and communication skills than with age or readiness alone.
Dr Manjula MK adds, ‘Instead of the taxi cab metaphor, modern relationship psychology points toward a more integrated model of commitment and timing. Let’s think of romantic readiness as a matrix with two axes. One is personal readiness on the emotional, financial, and psychological front. The other is relational compatibility which requires chemistry, shared values, and communication. This model shows that commitment is most successful when readiness and compatibility intersect. The Taxi Cab Theory only accounts for readiness, ignoring whether the person in the cab is truly a good match.’
Cultural Shifts
In today’s world, gender norms around commitment are rapidly changing. More women delay marriage in favour of education and career. Men are increasingly exploring emotional depth and therapy. A 2022 report from the World Values Survey showed that in countries like India, Brazil, and the US, over 60 per cent of men aged between 25 and 35 view long-term emotional compatibility as more important than traditional marriage timelines. This shift suggests that the younger generations value fluidity, growth, and mutual evolution in relationships.
Are Women Now The Cabs?
Interestingly, as women gain more autonomy, financial independence, and emotional maturity, many of them now experience the same hesitancy toward premature commitment that men once displayed. Modern dating data from apps like Bumble and Hinge show that women initiate breakups at twice the rate of men and are more likely to prioritise career or personal goals. This signals that timing matters for everyone, not just men.
The bottom line? Don’t view rejection as a reflection of your worth. Recognise your own needs and standards. For women who are the ‘cabs’, take time to reflect on what truly holds you back from commitment. And for everyone, move beyond the idea of being ‘chosen’.