When I speak to my younger cousins, who are just out of college, their priorities are getting experiences and exposure. They want to work, and work hard. They want to try and fail and try again. They want to learn and really pay their dues. Money, is not on the top of their list of priorities right now. Not like they don’t want it, but that’s something they can wait to make. This reminds me of exactly how I started. And honestly, I still have a perennial desire to learn but now, money means a lot more to me than it did before.
Money isn’t just about buying dinners, going on vacations and partying—although these lifestyle choices matter too. But for me, it’s about financial independence and security. It’s about being able to settle down, building a life for myself, be a reliable source for my parents, being able to invest in learning more and have a secure retirement life. This means that financial red flags in a relationship can threaten not just my comfort and lifestyle, but my overall wellbeing and security—in ways more than one.
When you come together in a partnership, especially in a long-term one, their finances, financial habits and behaviours impact your life. To avoid being taken down the road of lack of security and even monetary abuse, here are financial red flags you should watch out for.
1) They are always broke and always borrowing to make ends meet
Many people face a financial crisis at some point in life, and not just once. And it would be very superficial of a partner to judge you on the basis of a tough time in life. But here’s the thing. A person’s spending habits should be according to the income bracket they are in. If they end up spending lavishly on non-essentials and then struggle by the end of the month to sustain themselves, it means they have no sense of budgeting. They are not analysing their cash inflow and outflow, and in spite of going broke almost every other month, they are still not fixing their lifestyle choices. This threatens your stability when you share finances, and it reeks of a serious spending problem.
Even though we should learn to save and budget from a young age, sometimes, when we are just starting to make money, we want to enjoy the financial freedom. But if they’ve been working for several years and still continue to live outside their livelihood, there is no excuse for it.
2) They lie about money
If you are getting into a long-term partnership with a person, it is your right to know their financial situation. You should be aware of their financial habits, their debts if any, and their responsibilities and goals. But if your partner conceals information, refuses to disclose their income (in a serious relationship), hides debt, it can set your future planning off. It’s okay, if you have debts and you have a plan to repay. You can plan your life accordingly. But if someone hides these things from you, it’s not only difficult to make a financial plan but also makes you wonder if they are really looking forward to building with you.
3) They try to interfere with your finances
The worst financial red flag is when a partner starts to dictate or influence your finances. Of course, if I am in a serious relationship and they have a good understanding of money matters, I would take their guidance. But in no way, I am obliged to follow what they want me to do. In no way, they should be able to make autonomous decisions about my money, without my knowledge or consent. In no way, a partner should be able to interfere with my sources of income. If a person tries to take your financial autonomy away from you, it is a big bloody red flag.
4) They never pay
I hate it when I am at a restaurant and they hand the bill over to the guy. No, if I am making money, I can pay for my share and if I can’t afford a place, I won’t go there in the first place. Similarly, if the other person, irrespective of the gender, never wants to pay for things, it means they want to be taken care of or are used to it. Unless you are financially there and don’t mind a dependency like that, it can be burdensome for you and threaten your ability to save and invest. Also, if they make you pay for something and promise to pay you back and never do, it’s a glaringly red one.
5) They look down upon your finances
This makes them not just a financial threat but also a person who doesn’t respect you. If they are making much more money than you are or they come from a wealthier family, and they look down on your income, it should not be entertained. If they ridicule your job, make fun of your financial status or act like you need charity, it can make you feel small. And it can throw the power dynamics off. Irrespective of what you make, it is by your own hard work and you deserve respect.