How many times have you heard a guy say that he is crushing on a girl because she is so different from other girls? How many times have you been complimented on a trait and told you are not like other girls? For the longest time, women were made to believe that if they have certain qualities that go beyond the stereotypical feminine traits, they are different.
But the more you bond with the women in your lives, the more you realise that you share more similarities than you may have initially thought. I would love to be told I’m like other girls because women are so much more than the mere stereotypes our society just can’t get over.
The ‘cool girl’ is a misogynistic concept
You’d rather have a couple of beers and pizza over pink, fuzzy cocktails? Do you enjoy gaming more than you enjoy watching makeup tutorials? Do you love owning digital gadgets? Unfortunately, if your preferences match any of these, you must have been told that you are not like other girls. Guys may tell you that you are such a “cool girl” because you don’t do things that they think make up for our entire lives.
To be honest, this is an entirely misogynistic concept. Even the mere definition of all that a cool girl is, stems from a typical masculine fantasy of a woman. She is like “one of the boys” they say. So even to be seen as cool, you have to stick to the standards set by masculine norms.
What does it say about other girls?
Katrina Kaif’s character in the film Zindagi Naa Milegi Dobara was shown as someone who is “not like other girls”. That implies being cool, breezy, and good at sports are traits monopolised by men. When Kabir tells Naina that she is not like other girls in Yeh Jawaani Hai Deewani, what about Naina made him say that? Was it because she had emotional depth, she was intelligent and didn’t bother about superficial things?
This highlights the unfounded idea that women are intrinsically complex yet limited in their range of positive qualities. When someone says you are “not like other girls”, according to them you don’t do what men think we essentially do—gossip, have catfights, be superficial about looks, be either smart or beautiful (but perhaps not both at the same time?), be jealous (especially of other women who are “better” than you), and have no hobbies outside of the home arts.
Have you ever looked at your circle of friends and felt proud of their achievements? Be it someone shattering glass ceilings, someone carving a niche for themselves in a STEM field, or even someone who is hustling—women we know are so much more. We have dreams, ambitions and strength. This doesn’t mean we may not have the urge to twirl in a lehenga at a wedding, whip up delicious dishes and get excited during the sale. Who decides what we can be and cannot be? If other women are like that, I am very much like other girls.
It pits women against each other
Have you ever heard a man say he isn’t like other men? For forever, women are pitted against each other, and that really reduces our strength in half. If someone says you are “not like other women”, or if you say that yourself, it means that you are being separated from the female population. Why should that feel like a compliment? Putting down other women to put themselves on a higher platform in the eyes of men is exactly what internalised misogyny is.
It’s okay to be ‘not different’
The main characters in movies and shows are often portrayed to be “different” from the others, with their own set of quirks. Many women feel they have to be unique and not do what everyone else is doing. But it’s really okay to like things that are supposed to be stereotypical. You can wear an apron not because you are adhering to stereotypes but because you are a gastronomy genius. Nothing should tell you what you can do or cannot do.
Also Read: How Digital Sisterhood Is Shattering Stereotypes About Female Dynamics