Twinkle Khanna shared a reel last week on social media titled The Joys of Motherhood. She elaborated on how she planned vacations for her kids, showing them the world and all its wonders, putting their happiness above hers, and splurging on treats for them while suppressing the urge to snatch it away and devour it yourself.This pretty much defines an important component of being a parent prioritising your childrens wants and needs above your own, and scrimping on yourself while you give them everything their heart desires. According to a 2021 study conducted by Merrill Lynch, in partnership with Age Wave, nine out of 10 parents in the US find themselves investing in their childrens futures, childcare, and toys, instead of their own needs. As many as 79 per cent continue to provide financial support to adult children, twice as much as they had put into their own retirement accounts.How can mothers change this, and balance their own financial goals with the needs and wants of their children?Pursue Financial Well-BeingJust like you cannot look after your family if your own health is not optimal, the same applies to your finances. Personal banker Harun Miyajiwala believes that parents lead by example where finances are concerned. Children learn all about financial spending and security from their parents, he says. If they see you responsibly working towards your own goals, or working hard to spend money on the things that matter to you, theyre most likely to emulate that. For instance, instead of splurging on an extravagant theme party for them, let them settle for a simpler get-together (which can also be fun), and set aside the extra money for something equally important to you.This is not to say that you should compromise on the things that will truly make a difference to your kids a good education, regular dental appointments, outings with friends, and so on. But learn to draw the line and achieve a balance between spending on your child and saving for yourself. It is also a safety net if you are able to do so. In the event of any unforeseen incident, if you are left as your childs primary caregiver -- and your own the extra savings will help.Stop Feeling GuiltyAccording to a study by BabyCenter of over 3,000 moms, more than 57 per cent of new mothers feel guilty when they spend money on themselves. In addition, 90 per cent of mothers are likelier to put their childrens purchases over their own. Mothers are told from the beginning that we ought to put our children first and then think of ourselves, says marriage counsellor Vaishnavi Krishnakumar. This applies to everything time spent with kids versus time spent with yourself; the effort that goes into their pursuits versus your own career; and especially, finances. Youre viewed as materialistic if you dont live up to the standard of thinking about your kids first. If you want to grab lunch or a latte with friends instead of putting that money into a new book or toy for your child, youre constantly judged. Similarly, if you wish to save for your own retirement, instead of a childs education abroad, youre always looked at as someone who is not doing everything to ensure their childs happiness and success. Putting a stop to the guilt is your first step to prioritising your own finances.Be Cautious About DebtBack in the day, when Jennifer Lopez and Marc Anthony were blessed with twins, Max and Emme, a whopping $200,000 was spent on their christening outfits. Now its one thing for international celebrities to afford such extravagances, but quite another for the rest of us to be pulling out all the stops at a whim. Do not compare what other parents, influencers or celebrities are doing for their children or how much theyre spending on them, says Vaishnavi. It will only propel you to spend what you cannot afford. If you are notching up numbers on your credit card to buy your child designer clothes or get swanky interiors for their room, it is an absolute no-no.Pay off your bills almost immediately to avoid spiralling into debt. Ironically, these are usually parents who wouldnt dream of overreaching and spending this kind of money on themselves. Your child should learn to live the same kind of life that you can comfortably lead. Do you travel by bus or shop at factory outlet stores? They can learn to do the same. Short of an emergency medical bill, nothing else should warrant debt. These life lessons also make them stronger and help them adapt better to financial ups and downs later on in life.Pay YourselfIf youre torn about it, set aside a budget in advance every month for the things that matter to you -- a visit to the spa or yoga studio, a savings account for that little beach house youre looking to buy in a few years, or a new outfit that you feel is well-deserved. Also, set aside a portion of your income towards your own savings and retirement plan not your childs college fund, and not into a joint account with your husband.Ace food writer and TV show host Nigella Lawson is perhaps a mother from whom we can all take a lesson or two. She wants her children to mirror her work ethic, rather than give it all to them on a platter. In an interview with My Weekly, she said, You have to work in order to earn money. I am determined that my children should have no financial security. It ruins people not having to earn money.Whatever approach you choose to take, remember, it isnt wrong to use your hard-earned money on yourself alongside or even instead of your kids. Let go of the mom guilt, live a little, and think of your own future as well.