We live a life of curated perfection on social media, and so, people shy away from their failure stories. We are wired to winning at everything. One of the things the COVID-19 pandemic taught us is that opening yourself up to failure is a way to success. Author Elizabeth Day, in her book Failosophy, explores the dynamics behind failure: "Let's not airbrush our failures. Failures strip you of your old certainties and throw you into chaos. The only way to survive is to surrender to the process."
The art of Failosophy is what makes a winner. We can surrender to failure smarter, learn from it better, and recover from it faster. Sweden's Museum of failure has a collection of nearly 100 products that were successful in innovation, but in one way or another, ended up going horribly wrong. A museum on failure gives us learning lessons in making mistakes smartly and getting over them. The museum asks: "How about a failed gourmet tasting menu at a fancy restaurant? Or a tasting of failed brews from regional microbreweries?” Some products listed are: Harley-Davidson fragrance; Bic pens made especially for women; Coca-Cola Blak, a coffee-inspired drink.
A Day to Celebrate Failure?
October 13 is International Day of Failure, where you can share/reflect/celebrate your failures. Started in Finland, it's a day to throw away the shame associated with failure. Let's get the sting and stigma out of failure. Leticia Gasca, executive director at the Failure Institute, in her TED talk on failure says, "When people fail, they bury their stories out of shame. Silicon Valley’s mantra of ‘failing fast’ would be so much better if it was ‘fail mindfully’.” Gasca helps people break free from paradigms that limit life. "Setbacks are temporary. We must explore stories behind failure. How we can change what seems like a crushing defeat into a stepping stone," she says.
Failure coaches have turned the science of failure into a big success. And failure has become a big business. FailCon hosts conferences across the world, to allow start-up founders to find out more about their and other’s failure. Salford University’s Doctoral School has developed a ‘Failure Fridays’ initiative. Author Manjiri Prabhu says, "The pandemic has made people wake up to failure being the new success. It's given people strength to emerge stronger. It takes a lot of strength to break away from 'images' set by society and deal with setbacks, personal losses, and mental pressures. I think when you accept that both success and failure are temporary, you can deal with the lows in life better."
Recently, Coursera started a course on Failure by Berklee Institute for Creative Entrepreneurship, handled by founder Panos Panay. Panay teaches you how to cope with failure. He explores how musicians, artists, entrepreneurs encountered failure. “This isn’t about failing to fail. This is about trying new things, pushing the envelope, creating more value," he says. There's also a spiritual side of how to fail better, which author Pema Chodron, teaches us through queries like "how to get good at holding the rawness of vulnerability in your heart", and "how to get good at welcoming the unwelcome." Psychologist Gitanjali Sharma agrees. "You are separate from your failure. It's just an experience. You can thrive from your failures also. Failure management is big in the pandemic. How well you bounce back, will depend on your resilience and toughness," she says.
How to Fail Better
Redefine Failure: Behind many fears is worry about doing something wrong, or ending up looking foolish. Failure is about trying new things, exploration, pushing the envelope, creating more value.
Lighten Up: Most people who bounce back from setbacks have a sense of humour. Take the edge off failure, find something funny to lighten up.
Free Yourself from Shame: Change your failure narrative. Own the failure, and move on.
Don’t Blame Yourself: Self-blame is corrosive. Blaming yourself makes you metabolize failure badly.