If you’re a millennial, it is likely that you grew up seeing your parents valuing their work and money incredibly. Saving up is part of any typical Indian household’s personality—be it using the very last drop of toothpaste or your mom keeping an inventory of Tupperware dabbas. With a culture of working hard to maintain job security and consistent cash inflow to improve and stabilise family income, the average middle class employee didn’t have the luxury to say no at the workplace. 

We grew up watching our parents put in extra hours unconditionally, and sometimes, it feels almost guilty to say no at the workplace, even if it takes the life out of us. Many people are burnt out in their jobs, especially with their boundaries being not defined or violated.

Entitlement

Sneha, a 26-year-old, working in a Mumbai-based beauty brand, struggles with being expected to work odd hours. “I start my day at 9:30 am in the morning, and while I am able to complete my tasks before it’s officially time to go home, my manager drops in right then to give me some more work. This work could have been assigned to me during the day but expecting me to wait post office hours is just not done. It’s getting too overwhelming,” Sneha explained. Many managers feel entitled to your time, and expect you to take on more work without having a life outside office.

Often with everyone feeling hesitant to say no, the one who does is seen as lazy and incompetent. Of course, certain managers tell you beforehand that the job requires you to be available for longer hours, but it should involve superior compensation. In that case, it is also consensual—you agreed to work longer for more pay and benefits.

Sometimes, you also get loaded with more work, simply because you get done faster or are more resourceful than others. Sometimes, you can get unrealistic deadlines. It’s crucial for an employee to be able to say no, and assert their boundaries for feeling respected at work. And managers need to understand their limits and the fact that they have access to the employees only for as much as they are paying them for.

Overworking doesn’t work

There’s no denying that there are many overworked employees—someone’s like an old t-shirt that feels worn out but is too comfortable where it is, someone’s like a bottle of shampoo that’s getting completely drained out to the very last drop.  But all this overworking, does it actually work for anyone? Are we gaining anything out of not saying no to work? Is the company really benefitting by not hearing a no? Harvard Business Review says nobody benefits out of a person being overworked. Well, except your therapist and maybe coffee brands.

Studies prove that overworking impairs your sleep, causes stress-induced diseases and makes you less productive. Feeling exhausted can deteriorate your interpersonal communication skills, judgement sense and performance. A tired employee is more likely to make mistakes, some of which may or may not be grave.

When we are well rested, we can work better and remain motivated about our jobs. Feeling like you have a say in the amount of work you take on, deadlines and the kind of tasks you want can make a person perform much better.

Do women find it harder to say no at work?

When it comes to work, most women feel they have to work twice as hard. In a 2007 study titled ‘We (Have to) Try Harder: Gender and Required Work Effort in Britain and the United States’, researchers say that most women feel they have to constantly prove themselves at work. “Even when women and men are matched on extensive measures of job characteristics, family and household responsibilities, and individual qualifications, women report that their jobs require more effort than men do,” Elizabeth Gorman of the University of Virginia, co-author of the study explained. “Between a man and a woman who hold the same job, shoulder the same burdens at home and have the same education and skills, the woman is likely to feel she must work harder,” Gorman added.

“A lot of experimental research has shown that people rate the same performance as better when told it was done by a man.  It follows that women have to do better than a man in order to get the same evaluation.  Here we see how this plays out in the effort women must put in at work,” Gorman added.

The pressure on women to prove themselves at work makes it difficult for many to be able to say no, without being scrutinised or under evaluated. Women are also often expected to be less aggressive and when they reject an idea, it is seen as them devaluing their manager’s authority. The gender stereotypes have a huge role to play when it comes to segregation of responsibilities, especially when it comes to tasks that contribute nothing to your career growth.

You may not want to organise office parties, get-togethers, take minutes of a meeting or be there to welcome/host a client. But these automatically fall on a woman’s shoulder and their energies get diverted to tasks that do nothing for their career growth.

‘Hell, no!’

Saying no at work is an art, especially since it’s still completely normalised and many companies are still seeing employees through entitlement-tinted glasses. So how do you say no and still have your job?

1)     Evaluate the situation

If you’ve been struggling with saying no at work and having that work against you, it’s highly likely that you may become jumpy and say no to things without evaluating. When someone approaches you with a task, evaluate it thoroughly. Ask them what they would need from you and the deadlines. If you already have enough on your plate and you cannot take on more, or if you feel that is not your task to complete, you can simply explain it to them honestly. Let them know that you wish you could help but with what you have on your plate, you won’t be able to deliver it. Assessing it will help you truly understand if it’s feasible for you, instead of straightaway jumping to a conclusion. In fact, even if you say no, the other person will know that you genuinely cannot cater to it currently or require a more flexible deadline.

2)     Communicate your priorities

Sometimes, we get assigned so many supporting tasks that our main KRAs get sidelined. In that case, all your energy is getting invested in assignments that won’t help your performance rating, leaving you with little for what will. All of us have to do things to ensure smoother organisational functioning but prioritising your task list will boost productive use of your time. Ensure you communicate what tasks you have to complete on priority when declining/postponing an assignment or a deadline.

3)     Offer alternatives

If your concern is the scope of work, then you can offer an alternative that you can be there to support it, but you will need to delegate it to someone since you have other things on your plate. If your concern is more time-based, you can offer alternative timelines or ask your manager to help you by delegating some of your other to someone else.

4)     Be polite but not apologetic

If you are being expected to be available on vacations, on your sick days, weekends and post work hours, you have to establish boundaries. Whatever you are saying no to, for a genuine reason, don’t say sorry. You must not be apologetic about exercising your rights. If you use the word ‘sorry’ it will be seen as something you are lacking. Instead, be polite but firm. For instance, say, “I won’t be able to take this up right now because I am on a trip with my family and have back-to-back plans. If it can wait till I return, I would love to help you with it. I hope you find the necessary resources to get this done. Thank you for understanding.”

5)     Play it smart

Saying no to work is only half the work done. Your manager may reject it saying it’s urgent and has to be done. You have to pick your battles. You must be honest but you also have to play it smart. If you don’t want to work after a certain hour, communicate to your manager that you won’t be available. You can list the chores you have to do or any special classes you have to take after work. If you are constantly rejected when you decline getting overworked, you will have to have the talk or find a job where your boundaries are respected.

Also Read: The Job Security We Fail To Offer Our Female Workforce